Thanks to X-Warlock for this one.

Random Vin Diesel Facts.

Vin Diesel invented toilet paper, before he did everyone wiped their ass with old hair obtained from barber shops. Hence the rise of hair stylists and the fall of barbers.

Vin Diesel walked the entire length of the Oregon Trail three times over the course of two months in 1877. He only had to stop to hunt once even though he had dysentary three times. His personal jounal from the trip was the artistic inspiration of every single speech ever given by John F. Kennedy and all of the songs of Hootie and the Blowfish (including the song Hootie sings in that Burger King commercial).

Vin Diesel is the fifth Ninja Turtle.

Vin Diesel can divide by zero.

Vin Diesel owns the last living unicorn, who he named Jake in honor of Jake “The Snake” Roberts.

God refuses to give Vin Diesel a soul until Vin Diesel gives back God’s underwear.

Vin Diesel is a wise and benevolent giant, endlessly travelling the world to help the less fortunate. However, this wisdom comes at a terrible price. A gypsy’s curse has kept him moving without respite for the past 400 years, and he can never sleep or stay in one place longer than seven days until he has learned the true secret of the Unicorns, received a kiss from a Goddess Queen (or Kim Deal), and finally discovered and finished off the man destined to destroy him – Jack Black. This is doubly difficult because Sam Neill is hunting Vin Diesel down to remove his own curse, which can only be removed by ramming The Unicorn’s Horn through Vin Diesel’s huge heart. With the help of his faithful steed – the black dragon Leseid – Vin Diesel hopes to complete his quest … or die trying.

If the words “Autobots Transform!” are ever spoken in Vin Diesel’s presence, his body will fold in and out of itself, forming a 1998 Dodge Neon. If he hears the words “Deceptacons Attack!”, he emits an atomic blast out of his urethra.

Vin Diesel is Primus in another continuum.

The movie The Chronicles of Riddick is actually a heavily altered version of a piece of Megaman X3 fanfiction Vin Diesel wrote called “Mavericks On Tour,” in which the eight bosses from the game formed a rock band and played around the world. The character of Riddick is based on Crush Crawfish.

I should stop… XD

LBD “Nytetrayn”

David Oxford

David Oxford, or “LBD ‘Nytetrayn’,” as he is sometimes also known, is a freelance writer of many varied interests who resides in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. If you’re interested in hiring him, please drop him a line at david.oxford (at) nyteworks.net.

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