What WERE They Thinking?

I think it’s cool that Mirage Studios/the official TMNT website host their own eBay auctions of old TMNT toys. But looking back… man, what were they thinking?

That’s what I like best about the new line: even the weird gimmicky stuff seems a bit more plausible, or rather, it just seems to fit the setting better.

Let’s see here…

First, we have Leo’s Jolly Turtle Tugboat. A bathtub with guns and eyes, I’m surprised this thing even floats. And it looks like it ripped off part of the pier to boot. Note the Foot pirate ship in the background, sinking.

I really expected to see Leo in a sailor suit when I clicked the link. They wore sailor suits half the time in the old days, y’know. If they weren’t wearing trenchcoats and goofy rubber masks.

Thank God recent events haven’t lead to another set of toys like this. Back during the Gulf War, some genious at Playmates decided to draft the green teens into the military. The result? Things like Lt. Leo’s Bodacious Buggy. Note the Americana border.

Of course, for a buggy, I’d have expected a dune buggy, something suited to the sands. Though I’m pretty sure they had that along with their tank and jet bomber.

This is a fun little distraction, non-action figure related. The TMNT Mutant Maker, which unfortunately does not involve putting together pieces of toys into random combinations, but rather, drawing.

The worst part? My eyesight is apparently so bad that I first thought Raph there was saying “Whoah! This mutey dude is NIGA rude!”

I can almost imagine our modern “throws the first punch” Raph saying that, but oldtime Superfriends-styled Raph? Never.

Well, maybe.

Anyway. Insurance comes in, new glasses go on. This we know now.

Finally, one vehicle I wanted, but never got, and one of the few later vehicles that actually appealed to me. The almighty TURTLEMOBILE! Surely not derivative of anything else we know in name or in concept, it was a neat TMNT-styled sports car with jet boosters, machine guns in the hood, and detailing reminscient of our favorite four green heroes.

Sadly, I wound up having to stick with the old “Party Wagon,” or as they called it in the toon, the Turtle Van. Which wouldn’t be so bad, except some parts broke on it. : And I take CARE of my toys, dammit! Just ask Red. She hates me for how much care I take.

Worse still, this one never even showed up on the cartoon.

Oh, btw? Those other Mutant Military(yes, I’m pretty sure that was the term) vehicles I mentioned? You can see a couple at the bottom of the box-back on the Mutant Mobile here.

Me? I’m just glad history hasn’t repeated itself. Not to be unpatriotic or anything, I just somehow get the feeling that Splinter might just tell them to donate to some fund or something in secrecy.

Y’know, though I had the Sewer Playset, the Technodrome came out way too late in the line for me to pull off any sort of gift from my parents for, nor to afford myself.

Well, if I wanted to sacrifice some games, then maybe.

But before it came out, I had a friend who claimed he had a friend that had a big wooden one to scale… well, maybe not, but it was a couple of feet high.

Not that he ever supplied any proof, much like some OTHER non-friends who said they had a rich friend who owned every TransFormer ever made, including Headmaster and non-HM Arcee.

Don’t you just HATE people like that?

Hmm, and in a related note, I can’t find some of the older TMNT stuff on eBay. How weird is that? I thought one could generally find anything here. But I can’t pull up much in the way of “Next Mutation” stuff. Why would I want to? Let’s just say I did like a few things about the show… the Humvee being one of them.

At least they brought it back slightly tweaked for the new line. Huzzah!

Oh, and here’s something I need to get sometime so I can have Scott McNeil autograph it. I think THAT would provide some of the more interesting conversation I’d ever be likely to hear from the man.

Too bad it’s in Italy and costs so damned much.

LBD “Nytetrayn”

David Oxford

David Oxford, or “LBD ‘Nytetrayn’,” as he is sometimes also known, is a freelance writer of many varied interests who resides in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. If you’re interested in hiring him, please drop him a line at david.oxford (at) nyteworks.net.

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