Dead Man Crossing

I no longer feel safe in Animal Crossing.

I’m walking along on the beach in Animal Crossing: City Folk, and I come upon something I’ve never seen before: a scorpion. Next thing I know, the thing is darting at me as I try to capture it with my net, and the thing stings me, and I freakin’ die.

You know, like a video game death. Stars swirled around my head, my character falls flat on his face (on top of the venomous fiend, no less), and the screen does that circle fade to black. A loading screen later as I’m wearing a look of “what just happened here?”, trying to figure out what’s going on, and it circle fades in to me, laying in front of my house, pulling myself off my face.

Seriously, what the hell Nintendo?

This is how it starts, and it’s a slippery road. I no longer feel safe, so I’ll have to carry protection. Fortunately for me, I have a slingshot, with another tucked away safely, and a couple of swords and a Starman upstairs. I might have a Fire Flower hidden in a drawer, even, and I’ll need to have it on me in case I run into this guy again. Thank God for the second amendment.

I mean, a net is too risky; you have to get in close, and it leaves you wide open. That’s how they get you. That’s how they got me. I no longer feel safe wandering the town at night.

I just hope Nintendo doesn’t try to take away my stuff in the next release. Without my Master Sword or my Starman, what will I do if I run into that scorpion again?

Actually, I did run into it again later, and I called for Booker and Copper, but they were too late; he fled into the ocean. But I knew. I knew that at any time, he could surprise me. And I would be there, all but helpless.

Does anyone know what kind of heat is good to pack for scorpions? Or spiders. There was a big, fat, ugly black one crawling around earlier, but I don’t know where he went.

The grass gets a bit worn down, Joey leaves town, and everything is just going to hell. I’m wondering if Nook stocks gasoline and matches, because I may just have to burn it all and start over. Perhaps somewhere else.

–LBD “Nytetrayn”

Cross-posted from LiveJournal.

David Oxford

David Oxford, or “LBD ‘Nytetrayn’,” as he is sometimes also known, is a freelance writer of many varied interests who resides in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. If you’re interested in hiring him, please drop him a line at david.oxford (at) nyteworks.net.

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