If I Ever Become a Dragon Ball Villain…

If I ever become a Dragon Ball villain…

• I will introduce slapstick humor into all battles. No one has given Vegeta a wet willie before, and the look on his face will be well worth the beating.
• I will develop supersensitive hearing. When the heroes start analyzing the battle and explaining their companion’s newfound powers to one another, I’ll be in the loop.
• If I suddenly develop a new superpower, I will not stop in the middle of battle to tell my opponent all about it. Psychological warfare is nice, but the element of surprise is nicer.
• If I suddenly develop a new superpower, I will not stop to boggle at my newfound abilities. I will act as though I always had the power, and will attack with it immediately. Twice.
• When my scouter starts giving me ki readings, I will act impressed and read them off to my opponent as much higher than they are. Then, when my opponent starts powering up, I will act as though the readings are mysteriously dropping. This has no tactical advantage, but it will confuse the hell out of my opponents. They may waste precious time trying to grab my scouter off my face to see what in hell is going on.
• I will run away as soon as Gokuu (sic) loseWeight Exercises his shirt. Gokuu – shirt = villain going to die.
• If I ruin Gokuu’s lunch, I will not bother flying away. I will immediately begin writing my last will and testament.

Other lists feature becoming a Dragon Ball hero(ine), and a Dragon Ball fashion consultant.

Thanks to Nova for bringing this to my attention.

–LBD “Nytetrayn”

David Oxford

David Oxford, or “LBD ‘Nytetrayn’,” as he is sometimes also known, is a freelance writer of many varied interests who resides in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. If you’re interested in hiring him, please drop him a line at david.oxford (at) nyteworks.net.

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